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Just had a major operation 3 weeks back, yet today women are likely to stay no more than three days in hospital. While our mothers would have spent weeks on the ward, enduring bed baths, syrup of figs and gentle perambulations around the gardens, we are sent home with two weeks’ worth of painkillers, an instruction not to lift anything heavier than a mug for four weeks and the ward’s telephone number for emergencies. But as I’ve found, recovery is not a piece of cake. At times, the pain has been unbearable, the exhaustion crippling and the mind befuddled by fatigue. In my experience, women should allow themselves far longer than the six to eight weeks normally advised. In that time, they should rest as much as possible to allow time for the abdominal muscles and surrounding tissue to heal. Driving is probably out for several weeks, as is sex (many women experience loss of libido, although research shows that the quality of sex improves in the longer term). Walking is recommended and swimming, too, once the wounds have healed. I don’t think women are warned properly about the effect of the operation on bladder and bowels. A complication of surgery is damage to these vital organs, so I was delighted when my consultant told me there were no problems there. But I didn’t know that pressure, swelling and sheer shock would disrupt natural functions so much. Post-operative constipation, I was told, is due to the pre-operative fasting, handling of the bowel during the operation, opioid painkillers given afterwards, and the time spent relatively immobilized. My bladder, temperamental after surgery, was cajoled into working normally by gallons of water and Red bush tea. But it took two weeks of pain and every imaginable laxative to relieve the constipation. It’s not a nice subject to talk about, but most women experience this. Indeed, were I to single out one piece of advice to those on the waiting list, it would be to discuss it in advance with your doctor or, better still, a continence nurse. Daily walks were a struggle, but after just one day I managed a half-hour walk but getting out of breath – which doctors say is about right. I was warned not to talk much because my tummy gets bloated. But sometimes I can’t help it esp. when friends call to cheer me up. Some steps can be taken in advance, such as being as healthy as possible pre-surgery. I lost weight, which wasn’t only good for my general health; it’s harder to keep your incision line clean post-surgery if it’s sitting below a mound of flesh. I tried to cover all bases, including my appearance – vital for maintaining self-esteem. Knowing I wouldn’t be able to stretch back over a sink at the hairdressers for weeks, I took advice from my hairdresser, Ruth, who warned me that a reduction in estrogen levels can leave hair looking thinner. He cut new layers last Monday and dyed it a darker shade to make it look shiny and thick. More frivolously, I also had my eyebrow done, and a bikini-line wax to avoid having it shaved pre-surgery. Convalescence is when you most need your friends. I was lucky that Manang, our former maid, is again available to help nurse me for my first week after hospital. She fed the family, mopped my brow, cleaned the kitchen and the house, do the laundry, cook and basically all the house chores, made endless cups of tea. and an mp3 player reminisced with me long into the night when I couldn’t sleep. Other friends brought food and took me out for a coffee when I became stir crazy. It’s important for those who don’t have an adult support network to talk to their GP, and arrange for help from social services. It’s also crucial to stock the freezer with ready-made meals and to become dust-blind. Recovery isn’t easy but it will be worth it I know. Soon I can get over this madness and being trapped in my frail body, slowly coping with depression, anxiety and overthinking. On Saturday I’d be on my fourth week and hooray to that!!!!
